A follow up to the silent demon. Warning some parts of this blog may be upsetting especially to those who have combat PTSD or may have a loved one who suffers from it or a loved one who has out of desperation taken his life into his own hands. It is not my intention to upset anyone,my only intent is to shed some bright lights on what some see as a taboo subject that should be hidden in the shadows.
Before my husband even left Iraq (while serving his country) I knew he was bringing home a life long guest with him. Without his choice Mr.PTSD had latched on to my husband and would be like a monkey on his back for life. How much this new life long guest would affect us I had NO idea. What I as a spouce am doing is dealing with his issues the best way I alone know how to. Were the VA may state they have many ways to help someone with PTSD, IMHO that is far from what I humbly consider the truth. Were as we are very thankful for the help they do provide, their cookie cutter ideas of one size fits all is a very tough cookie to swallow especially when trust plays a major role with any medical/mental health care provider.
My husband was in Iraq no more than 3 months when I was urgently contacted by one of his brothers in arms that I had never met. I received an urgent IM via yahoo in the middle of the night with a short introduction asking me what should be done. One of my husbands brothers walked into his living quarters unexpectantly to find my husband sitting on his cot with his gun locked and loaded ready to swallow a round. Anyone that knows my husband knows that suiciede is totally against his personal and spiritual beliefs. My husband does not condone suicide or murder the only type of violent actions my husband would condone was in a case of self defense. Even then he would do his best to make sure no one was hurt and everyone was safe and sound.
Thankfully my husband's brother in arms got him to a phone to wear I could try to talk to him and see what was going on with him. If my husband had called me alone he would have never told me for the fear he might have put me in the same mindset. My husband did exactlly what he knew he needed to before he reached the point of hopelessness. He went to the chaplian. After all with his wife working/volunteering in many different ministry and religious fields most of her life when in need of spiritual counseling common sense in our case would send him looking for spiritual guidance. Which he had already done. Only to be told by a TRAINED military chaplian since you are not a christian and play role playing games to mentally escape while in a war zone (D&D) you might as well not be here your going to die anyway. My mouth hit the floor when my husband told me this over the phone. Boy was I fit to be tied. My husband agreed to hand his gun over to his sgt and go straight to mental health. The Major he saw at mental health brushed it off like lint on a 3 piece suite telling him to suck it up soilder and get back to work. Thankfully after a few days my husband did his best to buck up and face the mission at hand and was given back his weapon. However what had driven my husband to this point unfourtunately was not going to stop. Knowing that first off my husband the only man I have ever been in love with was not only in constant danger yet the damages of the things he had seen and had to do had took a straight track to his mental health. Not only was he dealing with teroist, his mental health had already taken a huge hit and those in higher positions that were suppose to help him were null and void because he was NOT a Christian and in the eyes of a military Chaplian his life was worthless.
In our personal lives the war wages on as MR.PTSD makes his pressance daily known in our personal lives. In closing I would like to not only thank our troops, veterans, our higher power/s but I would like to thank the young man who saved my husbands life. If you ever stumble across this blog you will never know how thankfull I am to you! I will never forget you!